im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
