Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
