I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
