Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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