he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
