just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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