just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
