there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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