I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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