two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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