Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it's like iHOP with fire
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
