Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
A bitchslap is in order.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize