im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
