I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
