Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All I want is dick and wine.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize