Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
