Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
