I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
