I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
