This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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