She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
