it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
