I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
