worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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