i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
