she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
