okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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