She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
