look no pants
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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