i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
