I seem to have left my pride at pride
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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