she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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