We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
