3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
