Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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