yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
