I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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