Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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