I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
