i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
