LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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