I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize