First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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