Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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