This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize