so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
