so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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