i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
