I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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