I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
