Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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