my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I could fuck to npr.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize