he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
