Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So apparently I’m into choking now
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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