Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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