Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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