Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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