dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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