I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
