lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
