i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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