you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
