I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
