I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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