I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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