Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
