Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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